Oh, Claire!

Oh, Claire!
Do not stare
At the naked hare.
What do you care
What a hare might wear?
Of course,
He is bare.
It’s only fair
He is going to his lair
To munch on a pear.
Why think you it rare
To see a naked hare
Is quite debonair
That spotlight is a glare
Shut it off, Claire
Do not be so square
A naked hare
Is not so rare
Get a grip, Claire,
Err I despair
OH CLAIRE!
Please do not stare
At the naked
Easter Hare.

April 1998

Sex Symbol Blues

A Valentine card said it all
“Sigh . . . another Valentine day over
And I don’t know about you
But I’m tired of being a sex symbol”
Nothing is more true.

It is not a card I made
But the sentiment is true
God, it is boring
Being a sex symbol like I do.

But what’s a girl to do?
When she’s as beautiful as I
Why there is not one moment
When I’m not fascinating to some guy.

So struggle with this burden
Do the very best you can
Thank God for all my blessings
Especially for that BLIND OLD MAN.

Amorous Alpacas

Our woods are full of strangers
But there is no need to fear
We have deer and we have emus
And now, amorous alpacas, so I hear.

The alpacas were found out
Their smooching made the news
The deer are out of sight
But we already spotted those emus.

If the alpacas and emus
Met for a spot of tea
The agonizing question on my mind is
WOULD THEY INVITE ME?

I Smoke Too Much

I smoke too much
I eat to little
I’m getting flat
Around my middle

I read the menu
I think and ponder
Should I eat the steak
Or attack the flounder?

If I eat too much
Would I get fat
Would I carry on
Like an alley cat?

These are weighty issues
Plague me each day
Oh, what the heck
I’ll just eat the whey.

March 1999